our modern world
<![CDATA[
<body>
]]>
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sometimes the world plays tricks with our beings. It tells us to do certain things which we are afraid of. Things that we may have forgotten or simply trampled upon in our fast paced lives. Things that have been pushed back deep into our minds for us to remain in solace, to remain comfortable with how things are. Undisturbed.
And funny enough, the world is not alone. Popular concepts like fate and destiny take their turn to scream into ou ears, barging into our heads to give us ideas, thoughts, scenarios and words we never knew we could muster, utter or feel.
***
Through all the treasured words and pictures, our memories, there stands one. The night’s solemnity becomes unbearable once I realize that I am alone. The silence, the tranquility, freezes and covers me. And there are times that I simply fall down, feeling my body against the ground. Images escape how I mustered to get back up at my feet. I remember trying to find the moon, only to realize that it isn’t there, something seems to be covering it. I can feel it close to me. As it was always.
For and through the darkness, something must be said.
Then as I stand up, far away I can see the sun rising. It feels like I just woken up. I’m not sure how long my slumber was. But there’s that heavy feeling you get once you over or under-sleep. My head is aching. Blurry, messed and tossed up. A twisted haze of simple colors. Yet so rejuvenating. As if comfort. It looks like it’s similar to all the rest when it wasn’t. It never was.
And when the light shone trough, be ready to reach it.
I try to get by the day, a moment at a time. Everything around me suddenly seems slower as it should be. I try crying out to where I need to go, to who I need to find. Yet there is only silence for me. And again, I couldn’t help but feel alone. Indeed, everything was the same. For so long, it seemed that I had refused to accept that. But really, I already knew. I knew nearly everything. But it wasn’t enough to move anywhere.
For all the words, unspoken moments and quiet memories, make them all last.
And the day ends with me realizing that nighttime will come again. Darkness and solemnity will once more envelope and consume myself until I simply feel loneliness. I am dreading that moment, each and every night. Like a fire that keeps burning. Holding it up against the night, still, it remains really dark. And yet, there’s really no better way to end it all.
And when the fire pushes to the brink, be ready not to fall.
In the quiet nighttime sky, we see a lot of small dots. Some may be stars, some are not. And some of these heavenly bodies may still be alive, and some not. But in simply taking the entire sky as a whole, looking at each small dot sparkle in its own right and place, just realizing the entire symmetry of everything, how it may seem to have been individually woven in their places, there’s beauty, continuity, stability some and peace. And yet, there still lingers confusion and loneliness. And just like the dots in the sky that glow and sparkle, we. You.
Right or wrong reasons, just give it chance.
***
And even though the whole world starts screaming and hurling all their crazy words and ideas at you. And even though you feel it’s fate and destiny finally taking over to shape your life and path. And even though you feel that it’s the right thing to do. The thing you’ve been wanting to do ever since.
When all of this starts to happen, and these thoughts, scenarios and words are right in front of your face, and you start to take slow, timed breaths. Running in your head is that chance, the possibility of rightness, of happiness. What now?
Even if it really hurts a lot, sometimes, what you need to do is simply say, no, and walk away.
Leaving it all behind.
"there is a wall that ruuuns right through me"- kreuzberg, bloc party
Free Hit Counter