Friday, June 06, 2008
we've come to a point wherein the stoplights blink red and where them old rusty doors seem to just not open anymore. we slam oursleves against the glass only to feel the cold moist seep in through our cheek as we try to desperately grasp what's left of the heat outside. yes, we have reached the end. and right now, it's still too surreal. the emotions. its like, a rollercoaster, a tilt-a-whirl, spinning, zooming, stopping, freezing, burning, then there is nothingness. and it seems that the life within ourselves has been sucked out by the eternal darkness that is nothingness. we're stuck. and we probably knew that from the start. but as always, we had hoped otherwise. and we failed.
yes. we have failed to realize why we were here. or for the better part, what is it out there, that people say, is the "so-called better"? we have come to be familiarized with so many different names, symbols, acronyms, meanings, but in the end, all, if not a majority of us, look back, then we try to smile, but only to feel the weight of what we have become, drowning our smile and pulling our joys apart. and we can only whimper, "why? how? where? when?" and as we come back to our senses, fuly realizing that which is inevitable, the apparent end, for now, of our so-called web, of our so-called everyday-ness, of our so-called-mundane-ness. it disappoints us that we haven't seen the big picture.
we have been accustomed to paying attention to details, then putting them together. we take a second to look back, breathe in what we have, piece everything mentally, analyzing whether all of it is in its rightful place. then there we have it, a realization, an understanding, a belief, a principle, a goal, an ambition, a direction, a way. but of course, we have also come to realize that the system in its own way is flawed. well, isn't everything on its own? but this is how we have come to grow up and how we have come to approach life.
and as we repeat, its disappointing. it's sad that for once, when we see the big picture, we don't find anything. there seems to be no path or direction, realization or understanding that would serve deepen even a small part of ourselves. maybe its the sight of seeing others so comfortable that prevents us from seeing what we really need to see. and i know that there's something more than what i have here. there's something to practically everything before me. for a while, we stop and consider, we close our eyes, we hear our breaths slowly escape our nostrils, only to be consumed in the air, then we feel the air brush by our skin, like a soft baby's touch, we feel a little lighter, a little happier... it happens around us. always. it does. and it really blows our minds off. we are confused.
we had hoped to find the answers. we had hoped to shed light on that which we question. but now what we have is a divided front. two sides the prove to have stable foundations.
i know what i want, and where i will go. it is just waiting for me, and i am eager to see it.
i know what i want, and i don't know where i'll go. i believe that nothing and something waits for me out there. there is hope.
there always was and then. there always will be and now.
and now, the big question looms like it hasn't before.
where?
we've come to a point wherein the stoplights blink red and where them old rusty doors seem to just not open anymore. we slam oursleves against the glass only to feel the cold moist seep in through our cheek as we try to desperately grasp what's left of the heat outside. yes, we have reached the end. and right now, it's still too surreal. the emotions. its like, a rollercoaster, a tilt-a-whirl, spinning, zooming, stopping, freezing, burning, then there is nothingness. and it seems that the life within ourselves has been sucked out by the eternal darkness that is nothingness. we're stuck. and we probably knew that from the start. but as always, we had hoped otherwise. and we failed.
yes. we have failed to realize why we were here. or for the better part, what is it out there, that people say, is the "so-called better"? we have come to be familiarized with so many different names, symbols, acronyms, meanings, but in the end, all, if not a majority of us, look back, then we try to smile, but only to feel the weight of what we have become, drowning our smile and pulling our joys apart. and we can only whimper, "why? how? where? when?" and as we come back to our senses, fuly realizing that which is inevitable, the apparent end, for now, of our so-called web, of our so-called everyday-ness, of our so-called-mundane-ness. it disappoints us that we haven't seen the big picture.
we have been accustomed to paying attention to details, then putting them together. we take a second to look back, breathe in what we have, piece everything mentally, analyzing whether all of it is in its rightful place. then there we have it, a realization, an understanding, a belief, a principle, a goal, an ambition, a direction, a way. but of course, we have also come to realize that the system in its own way is flawed. well, isn't everything on its own? but this is how we have come to grow up and how we have come to approach life.
and as we repeat, its disappointing. it's sad that for once, when we see the big picture, we don't find anything. there seems to be no path or direction, realization or understanding that would serve deepen even a small part of ourselves. maybe its the sight of seeing others so comfortable that prevents us from seeing what we really need to see. and i know that there's something more than what i have here. there's something to practically everything before me. for a while, we stop and consider, we close our eyes, we hear our breaths slowly escape our nostrils, only to be consumed in the air, then we feel the air brush by our skin, like a soft baby's touch, we feel a little lighter, a little happier... it happens around us. always. it does. and it really blows our minds off. we are confused.
we had hoped to find the answers. we had hoped to shed light on that which we question. but now what we have is a divided front. two sides the prove to have stable foundations.
i know what i want, and where i will go. it is just waiting for me, and i am eager to see it.
i know what i want, and i don't know where i'll go. i believe that nothing and something waits for me out there. there is hope.
there always was and then. there always will be and now.
and now, the big question looms like it hasn't before.
where?
