again and again

Monday, October 15, 2007

and here i stand again.

before. seeing endless highway lights that pass by. they guide me home. it has always been a long journey home. each time, it was well worth it. i risk running into the craziest nomads and hobos on the street. i'd go at 80 then 100 then probably 115. but even by that time, i knew i'd get scared. out of control. everything was. as such, always like that. but i never found it in me to... i'd accelerate on the asphalt and i'd vaguely hear the rubber grinding and brushing against it. i'd be consumed by the night that apparently envelopes me. and all of a sudden. i'd always be surpirsed that it was nighttime. i'd immerse in the glorious sunlight to find myself drowning in the sorrows of the shade. i would hear faint sounds. broken tunes singing, whispering. always aware of what was going. at that point, i'd feel like i knew what everybody else is doing. i knew how everything else will move. i knew how tp make things right, for me, for the world. i knew.

then. i'd never stop by. nor do i drop the window. i'd always look at the clock. 2:00am. it's always a long night. and before that nothing ever happens the way they are supposed to happen. but it's always beautiful that way. it's always sweeter and better. call me weird, but i happen to find serenity on those moments. and even now, it remains hard. there it shimmers then fades away. shimmers then fades. and then it'll be lost. but then it will revive. the dreams they dont mean anything. or should they.

great valley. it isn't as magical as the one in land before time. there are no green lushes of trees, bushes, grass and such. it's a barren wasteland. and there stands two figures. alone. what remains to be said. and there. and then. and how. and when. and where. and who. and why. the tears remain trapped. they wait and wait. but there's no time. not yet. not now. soon. and i'd just come to know this by being.

royal crowne plaza. it's a huge building with a red glare about it. there's just something uncomfortable about it. and what i always knew came true. could this have been a manifestation? a sign? i wanted to believe it to be so. and i grow weary of whatever this has to tell. i'm just really really tired.

there's a link between the incohrences.

and just weeks ago, when dark clouds shadowed the sky. the sun receding into the blanket of th night. and all the stars faded in the recesses of space. and not one speck of light to illumine anything.

don't you just love this. and for a while, everything was going fine. and the whole world was blind. when subtleties like down there, or far away. no one noticed. no one was bound/supposed to notice. and i just had to bask in all the secrecy and darkness that surrounded everything. gentle taps, pats, brush, hush. escaping all the glares and glances that ever came that way. and for a while, there was silence. and i could've lived with that silence for months to come. but then people start asking dangerous questions and in turn get untruthful dangerous lies. lies begetting more lies. piling up into one stinking mountain of deceit, hatred and such. such a mountain stood in front of me. but i saw it crumble down, slowly. then faster. until it was gone. then i had the half of the world stand before me. they were in awe. i looked at them blankly. and they looked back and nodded. and from there everything was good. but the other half still have their backs on me. but that doesn't matter now. yet. and don't you just love this?

red and yellow. how sweet the morning starts. and again and again. the same thing. but you hear no complaints. and it always has to end that way. when i'm so used in ending like this, going along there. then gone. there, somewhere where i once knew. and once walked on, almost all the days of my life. each day, under sweltering heat. bearing. bearing. for. but all that seems far away. and then i just had to return to reality. creaking steps. farting sounds. maybe, this is a new era. and everything that seemed so familiar, now, all blurred up.

and then came that sweet poem. then everything else follwed. "follow through"

i don't like myself much these days. it's gone. something usually happens when it happens. it's happening right now.

oh. sweet melodies in my head.

do you want to come over and kill sometime. put you arms around me.

jau imagined at 2:45 AM

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