our modern world
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
we both remember what we've been through. through the highway lights, swirling past us like all those memories gone by. we felt isolated by the night, standing alone on the shoulders of our own fears. we were afraid. you and i. we'd sit opposite each other, viewing, respectively, our own glass panes. the mist would blur the yellow glare coming from the lampost yet we would sit still. stoic, we would keep our breaths to our self. we would fall silent the whole time. but that was okay. it was raining outside. it was pouring.
we heard all our fears scream at us. but we didn't shut our ears. we wanted to hear them. we didn't want to torture ourself, but we wanted to feel pain. we wanted to feel each thorn piercing our hearts. we didn't want others to see what we're going through. how we explode inside each night. we stare at the dull night, waiting, always waiting to be picked, to be nudged. we wanted to stand up. but we always fell down. we always felt how hard we fell. we'd feel the cold concrete on our warm cheeks. we were beautiful, but once down, we weren't. they said we weren't. they were wrong.
we wanted to escape. you and i. we wanted to be freed from the clutches of the world. we wanted to run away. but not together.
it was raining outside. we both saw that. we could see the rain splash into puddles on the open road. we'd forget there were trees around us. all there was, was just darkness. we'd look at the lights, seeing the streaks of rain break their consistency. we'd wonder if the rain fell for us. if it was sympathisizing with us. the sky was crying. we were crying. but we didn't show. we were crying inside. we wanted to be out there. the barrier now felt thin between us. we always cried together. but not like this. not as cold as this. the barrier was being shattered. we cried, but there were no tears. our tears were the rain. the hard rain splashing against the car's roof. those were our tears. we never strayed our eyes from what we were trying to find. we were looking for the same thing. we wanted the car to stop at that very moment. we'd open the door, to free ourselves from the barrier which drew us apart. we'd walk along the open road, far far, far away from home. we'd walk along the opposite sides of the street but we went on the same direction. our eyes would meet sometimes, and that's all we needed.
the road never got narrower. it got wider. we knew that. we knew what we were doing. we knew where we're going. but we wanted to stop. we wanted to take a close look at each other. we wanted to explore each other's eyes, figuring out why this, why that. finding answers to the questions we'd ask oursleves, at the time we were in the car. but we kept on walking.
we knew it was going to end. right from the start we knew we'd reach this point. we knew we'd eventually have to confront each other. we knew we'd have to stop and look at each other's eyes and get lost in the ins and outs of our souls. we knew we didn't want out. we didn't want to be found. but we were. that's how it was supposed to happen. so all we could do was give each a hug. and we did. as awkaward as it may have felt, we gave each other the warmest hug we knew. we were where we wanted to be.
we're home.
you and i. we're not too diffrent. in fact, we're more similar than we seem to be.
but you and i, we're always drifting away.
things change.
"there is a wall that ruuuns right through me"- kreuzberg, bloc party
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