our modern world
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Saturday, November 19, 2005
i look up at the ceiling, bobing my head against my pillow, i want to be taken away.
flashback.
it's bedtime. i lay down beside my mom, on my usual place. i put the sheets over my head, as i usually did. it was at this time, that at a young tender age, that i would have my own personal moments of thought, which i would eventually call "emo". yes, funny that despite being so young and futile, i would already have emo moments. i remember replaying the song "incomplete" inside my head over and over again, offering it up to, uhm, my future woman (whoever that was at that time. haha) i used to portray myself as guys in the movies, the passionate romantics who would sweep women off their feet with relative ease. *egad. i could never imagine myself sweeping any woman, besides, everytime i was around women, i usually get scared, stutter then calmy move away. this was how, i guess, i felt that i would never be able to get a woman for myself. (yeah, i was quite ambitious as a child, i wanted to marry someone as soon as i was 12) but of course all my passionate dreams melted whenever i would see myself "crumbling" at the moment of truth. i would hide my head below my sheets and occasionally bob my head up to see my mom or brother sleeping beside me. i liked it that i was the only one awake. it invigorated me that i was now the only one, let's say, "alive". at this point of time, i feel so superior, i feel like i rule. but my kingdom would soon be shortlived as i find myself surrendering to the envelope of darkness.
my days back then, (summer '02) were one of the most emo days.
end flashback.
"there is a wall that ruuuns right through me"- kreuzberg, bloc party
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